Feel Lost, Empty, Betrayed, Helpless
I'm a nurse and currently working here in Saudi Arabia as an ICU-nurse. I'm surfing the internet and it happens that I've browse your column about marriages and its complications (you know...) I'm married since January 2000 (in the Philippines) and I have a baby girl who is 2 years old now.
My problem is, I married the wrong man. Wrong because he didn't say he's previously married, and would you believe!...married twice to his wife. I'm a catholic (not that religious) but I have my principle in life (probably one legacy my parents inculcate in me). Don't mess up with married men. But here I am, stuck in my own dilemna.
I'm dumb to believe his sweet nothings but he's good with words that's why for 2 years of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship we end up getting married and even bear his child.
When a long-time friend of ours saw me shopping in a mall, she asked who's the husband (at that time I'm 5 months pregnant) I joked and told her a different name and then she's telling me that:"good, at least now I can tell you everything" and she told me everything she knew.
At that time, I'm so numb. I didn't know how I got home and what happen next but I talked with my husband (then...) about the news that night. He denied but I can feel he's hiding something from me. When I give up and was about to leave our room, he grab my arm and cry and started pouring his bitter relationship with his wife.
I feel lost, empty, betrayed, helpless and everything but I stay still and talk-it-out with him.
After his confession, I decided that if I'll stay with him I won't be the same person. I'll be like a nagging, suspicious, paranoid, and lastly "the second-wife". I cannot bear that so I told him "better get out of my room and my life forever". He doesn't want to, I know but I have to choose between him or my life.
I let him stay and go on with our usual routine until two months before my delivery date he left and didn't come back. I'm longing for him but I hold on and pray. It's the most difficult time of my life, good thing I'll be having my angel soon and that's what keeps me going.
I want to correct everything for our future. I'm here in Saudi, to save money and prepare for it.
Could you give me advice on:
Are we really married?
If not, what will I do so that our marriage certificate be cancelled/revoke?
How will I go about it?
What will happen to my baby's surname? (I use his surname. I know nothing about laws regarding using surnames of her father)
I don't have enough money to pay for all the attorney's fee and everything but I'm willing to save just to get out of this mess. Actually my parents have no idea of where I'm into. They're old and I want them to enjoy their life.
I want inner peace and with the Lord's guidance I'll stand strong and fight.
Thank you for listening and hoping that you can enlighten me with your legal and moral advice.
My problem is, I married the wrong man. Wrong because he didn't say he's previously married, and would you believe!...married twice to his wife. I'm a catholic (not that religious) but I have my principle in life (probably one legacy my parents inculcate in me). Don't mess up with married men. But here I am, stuck in my own dilemna.
I'm dumb to believe his sweet nothings but he's good with words that's why for 2 years of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship we end up getting married and even bear his child.
When a long-time friend of ours saw me shopping in a mall, she asked who's the husband (at that time I'm 5 months pregnant) I joked and told her a different name and then she's telling me that:"good, at least now I can tell you everything" and she told me everything she knew.
At that time, I'm so numb. I didn't know how I got home and what happen next but I talked with my husband (then...) about the news that night. He denied but I can feel he's hiding something from me. When I give up and was about to leave our room, he grab my arm and cry and started pouring his bitter relationship with his wife.
I feel lost, empty, betrayed, helpless and everything but I stay still and talk-it-out with him.
After his confession, I decided that if I'll stay with him I won't be the same person. I'll be like a nagging, suspicious, paranoid, and lastly "the second-wife". I cannot bear that so I told him "better get out of my room and my life forever". He doesn't want to, I know but I have to choose between him or my life.
I let him stay and go on with our usual routine until two months before my delivery date he left and didn't come back. I'm longing for him but I hold on and pray. It's the most difficult time of my life, good thing I'll be having my angel soon and that's what keeps me going.
I want to correct everything for our future. I'm here in Saudi, to save money and prepare for it.
Could you give me advice on:
Are we really married?
If not, what will I do so that our marriage certificate be cancelled/revoke?
How will I go about it?
What will happen to my baby's surname? (I use his surname. I know nothing about laws regarding using surnames of her father)
I don't have enough money to pay for all the attorney's fee and everything but I'm willing to save just to get out of this mess. Actually my parents have no idea of where I'm into. They're old and I want them to enjoy their life.
I want inner peace and with the Lord's guidance I'll stand strong and fight.
Thank you for listening and hoping that you can enlighten me with your legal and moral advice.
posted by F O O D F O R T H O U G H T @ 4:46 PM
1 Comments:
At 4:18 AM,
YCSM Revived said…
I was moved by your story, and I empathized with you. YES, you have a valid ground to annul your marriage. Actually, their is defect - FRAUD in your marriage. The church has a way of helping those who have been deceived in marriage. Your marriage with that guy is INVALID and so ANNULMENT is possible. The annulment expenses in the church is not that expensive, yes in civil its quite expensive. Tke care of your angel. He/She is a blessing and gift. IL(I'm a student of the Marriage and Family in our Diocese.) If you need more help, I can refer you to our Diocesan Family and Life Ministry. Good luck and take care
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